Sunday, November 29, 2009

oh how I miss you, left cranial nerve XII...

Achoo! Great, there goes snot all over my hands again... For some reason, ever since surgery I've had a really hard time sneezing correctly. Every time I do the stuff goes everywhere, not just a little area of my hand or a tissue or whatever.

I decided to Google it. Turns out that neurons connected to cranial nerve XII "regulate the reflexes of vomiting, sneezing, swallowing, and coughing." Well, my other nerves are not compensating nicely on this one. I'm tired of making such a mess when I sneeze. Swallowing has improved considerably, except when I'm laying down. I guess it's harder when I don't have gravity aiding me. *extra gross alert* Also, I had to go out and buy a tongue scrapper because my tongue isn't moving around enough to adequately remove all the food particles off the back of my tongue. Yuck. *end of alert*

Also, I'm still having difficulty speaking clearly, drinking with a straw, and eating at a reasonable speed. Last night we went out to a mexican place for Jake's birthday (his actual birthday is tomorrow, but we decided to go out on a Saturday night instead). First I had to repeat my order a couple times. I wanted a "eso enchilada with hreen sauce" (queso enchilada with green sauce). Then my frozen margaritta came with a straw in it and I couldn't drink it. Then we were there forever because it was taking me so long to eat. *sigh* I guess on the upside, I have some yummy leftovers for tonight.

Yes, I am continuing to make improvements, but I still wish my cranial nerve hadn't gotten damaged to begin with. :\

Thursday, November 26, 2009

mmm...turkey, stuffing, cranberries, and ... pizza?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

It has been quite a day. Jake and I were at his Aunt's place most of the day for the Thanksgiving celebration. The food and company were great, but I kept telling Jake I felt like I should have made myself a t-shirt that said "I feel fine, except for my speech. Please stop asking" or something. I guess people don't expect you to be back to normal after such an intensive surgery and then when they ask how you are and you say "I'm hood"....it kinda makes them wonder. It was also a little embarrassing to be the last person finished eating out of about 40 people....even those who got 2nds and 3rds. People probably thought I was eating a lot, even though I didn't even completely cover my plate with food, oh well....

On the up side, because I eat so slowly, I didn't overeat for the Thanksgiving lunch and when we got back to Jake's mom's place I got to have leftover Giordano's pizza....mmmmm.....

All in all, it's been a great holiday. I suppose it's about time to call it a night. We have an early flight in the morning back to Tucson. Good night. :)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

babushka!

My mother-in-law just got back this morning from a trip to India and brought me back a scarf. :) What a fun way to protect my newly acquired scar from the Arizona sun.

I have begun to realize I am acquiring a scarf-collection that would rival a Russian grandma. What's cool, though, is that I have unintentionally been collecting scarfs from all over the world for the past few years. It all started in college, when Jen brought me back this neat one from Ecuador. Next, I bought myself a pashmina in Italy on the trip with my mom and sister. Then Beth went to Ireland and got me one this past summer. And now I have this beautiful new one from India.

So, I guess if any of you are planning on leaving the country, please bring me back a scarf. Brownie points if it's from a country that starts with a vowel. ;)

long scarf

You ask me to take off my scarf
And sit down and rest for a while?
That’s sweet of you--but before I do,
I’ll tell you a story, my child.
Some years age I fought a duel
With the Count Doomandread,
And I slipped or tripped
And his sword just clipped
My neck--and sliced off my head.
I scooped it up and put it back,
But it didn’t quite connect,
So I tied this scarf around it
Just to keep it on my neck.
That’s why I always keep it on,
‘Cause if it did unwrap,
This wobbly chopped-off head of mine
Might tumble in your lap.
So now you’ve heard my tale, and if
It will not make you ill,
And you’d still like me to
Take off my scarf…
I will!!


~Shel Silverstein

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Hashimoto's en-snuffleupagus

I am just going to start by saying how much I hate human's lack of understanding of statistics....

Here I am with some form of cancer that affects old, chain-smoking men.... Then it jumps from the right side of my head to my left, which "never" happens. Then I find out my good friend has this weird disease, Hashimoto's Encephalopathy, that is diagnosed in patients about a dozen times a year or something ridiculous. THEN, I go with Jake to the neurologist this afternoon and he also has Hashimoto's Encephalopathy????? Is there something in the water in Tucson? What is going on?

For those of you who don't know, Jake, my husband, has been dealing with unexplainable chronic pain for the past 2.5 years. It started in the back of his legs when sitting, then traveled to his back, and makes it so he is uncomfortable all the time. It got to the point where he couldn't even sit to play video games. *gasp* He's seen countless doctors with various specialties and just recently wound up in a neurologist office. The neurologist ran some tests and this afternoon we found out that the only abnormality in the entire batch was that his Hashimoto's antibodies were 10 times the normal level. Apparently they are attacking the neurons in his brain, causing him pain. The good news: If that's what it is, then the steroids the doctor gave him should have him feeling better in a week. The bad news: If that's what it is, then continual steroid treatment should make him gain weight and/or a hunchback and the other treatments are experimental and invasive.

Allison, who has known she has HE for about two weeks now, presented with numbness, dizziness, and migraines. The symptoms are very different, so it is all so weird.

All that being said, Jake and I have safely traveled to Illinois tonight, where we will be spending the Thanksgiving Holiday with his family. All I have to say is I'm happy to be drinking Illinois water again, instead of that rare disease-inducing Tucson stuff.

being young gives you xmen-like powers...

A quick post before I leave for work this morning, with two more tidbits from yesterday's appointment...

First, when speaking to the doctor about upcoming radiation treatments and what areas would be targeted, he explained that since the first cancer, last year, was well-contained and had no lymphnode involvement, there didn't seem to be a reason to radiate that area. It was this left side and the lymphnodes that were crazy-aggressive and needed to be hit. That means no radiating of the oral cavity and a good shot at keeping most of my taste and salivating functions. Horay! I still have to talk to my RO about that choice, but that seemed to be a knowledgeable response.

Secondly, I told my doctor that I had just starting getting zapped by the nerves lining up again after surgery and his response was something like "Already?! Wow, that's fast! I guess being young makes you like an xmen."
...
...

hmmm..... my cells did go through a bunch of crazy mutations....
...
...

got to go. ;)

Monday, November 23, 2009

Nov 23rd email to some family and friends

I know I said I would start just posting to this blog, but I did send out an update email this morning to some family and friends, letting them know how this morning's appt. went and about the blog. So I will copy most of that below:

"Dr. Hayden's colleague removed my stitches this morning and we discussed the pathology report and my future treatment plan. The pathology report showed clear margins and the main cancer was contained to the one original lymphnode area. As the team had gathered, the cancer in that lymphnode had sort of exploded causing the lymphnode to "burst" and spread/surround the submandibular salivary gland and 12th cranial nerve that extends into the muscle at the base of my tongue. It also seemed to have slightly effected one other tiny lymphnode. The remaining dozen-some lymphnodes that were also removed were all negative of cancer and that cancerous node/gland/nerve/muscle mass was cleanly removed with negative margins. All in all, the surgery was a success.

Going forward, I will be meeting with my radiation oncologist on 12/4 to develop my treatment plan. Due to the rarity of my cancer conditions, the Mayo team thinks that it might be wise to talk to a medical oncologist (chemo doc), as well. It'll be a personal choice with that one as the benefits and unpleasantness of treatment almost outweigh one another.

The radiation treatments will begin in 2-3 weeks and last for 6-7. This means I doubt I'll make it to IL for Christmas. We'll just have to plan for a separate trip in the Spring. :) I got the ok to fly to IL for T-day, but was just told to keep it easy."

I just returned home from Phoenix and am picking up an ensure and heading out to work. Until next time then... :)

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I feel loved

Two of my good friends from work, Allison & Alfredo (and Allison's dog Miso) came by tonight for dinner. They brought Jake and I nice soft food (slow-cooked chicken and mashed potatoes), which still took me over an hour or two to eat. They also brought some beautiful 'get well' flowers. Allison has been going through quite the medical drama herself, lately, yet here she is spending the afternoon making dinner for me. I feel loved. <3

Well, I think it's time to call it a night. I have an early appointment in Phoenix tomorrow, so I'll have to get up by 5-something. Yuck.

Good night. You know....I'm really starting to like this whole blog thing. :)

random thought #1

Ever since I was diagnosed with cancer I keep having flashbacks to Mrs. Mullins's 9th grade English class and one particular journal entry. One day we were asked to write about: "If we had to lose one of our senses which would it be and why?" I remember writing (as an overweight high school freshman girl) that I would give up my sense of taste because then maybe I wouldn't eat so much.

Little did I know there would come a point in my life where I probably will lose some of my sense of taste, if not all, for at least a short period of time. It's a scary thing actually thinking about losing my sense of taste. I really love cooking. Planning menus and making dinner each night is a stress relief. I'm an excellent baker (ask some of my coworkers who love when I bring in cookies). I hate the idea of not being able to enjoy one of my favorite hobbies.

That being said...looking back, would I have changed my journal response? I love music more than anything, even cooking, so sense of hearing is completely out. Sight is so important for just my normal day-to-day activities. I feel like that is far too important of a sense to give up either. Smell might be a good option, although, it seems to be a good, built-in, safety feature...being able to detect when the milk goes bad, if there's a gas leak, etc. Also, smell has so much to do with taste, I think I'd lose my enjoyment of food with that one, as well. Finally, touch seems like an even better built-in safety feature, sensing if something is too hot or too cold. I'd miss my doggies licking me in the morning or hugs from my husband. It's weird enough now when he lightly brushes my check and I can't really feel it (my nerves were somewhat damaged from the first surgery). It's almost like that creepy crawly feeling you get when then dentist numbs your mouth and your lips are all weird for a few hours....except it's like that all the time for me. Some of the connections didn't line up quite right, either, so if I brush my cheek, I feel it in my neck. Very weird.

So to answer Mrs. Mullins, I suppose I would still opt to lose my sense of taste....but why would you make anyone ever have to choose?

trying out this whole blog thing...

Well, I decided this morning while lying in bed that it might be a good idea if I started a blog. I've been trying to keep a lot of people updated about my medical conditions and continue to get cards from all over the country of people I haven't spoken to in years wishing me well. I kept thinking....if only there was an easy way to keep everyone up-to-date with how I'm doing, especially over the next few months with radiation treatment. That's when it occurred to me....why not start blog.

So, I'm going to try to post to previous dates by copy/pasting from past emails I've written to folks. Then going forward, I will just try to make entries here.

Thanks for listening!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Nov 20th email to Chris (coworker)

"I finally am home. The doctor didn't release me until this morning. I really hate those drains. I feel pretty good now, other than being a little tired, the speech and the swallowing thing. My tongue doesn't quite have the mobility it used to. I am having a hard time eating still. I managed some soup and ice cream for lunch today. It still looks like I'm going to be able to go up to Illinois for Thanksgiving a few days next week, so I really hope I can eat more by then.... especially with radiation treatments starting probably before Christmas. I want one good meal before the ensure meals start.

I think the scariest thing was this morning when the doctor said to me something to the effect of 'you know we really want you to undergo radiation treatments this time. The last time we avoided it because we wanted to maintain your quality of life for the next 20 plus years. Now with the aggressiveness of this cancer, we're just trying to make sure you survive the next 5.' Yikes!

Well, like you said I just should be happy with what I have left.

I'm just so happy to be home at this point. I'll be at work probably Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning, but since you're on PTO I guess I'll see you the Monday after Thanksgiving.
You can help out by not laughing when I ask you a question about the "aye-sow ouher imbal status". Ha!"

Nov 20th email to Jake

*Subject: The tube is out!*

7:12am: "The doctor said to give the nurses a couple hours to get the paperwork filed.

Maybe in Mayo terms that means be here by noon. Ha!

I'll give you an update when I know more."

--------

9:20am: "Update. I'm back in my street clothes and the nurse gave me this shampoo cap, so I'm not so gross anymore.

She hasn't gotten any of the paperwork yet, but said she'll let me know when she does so I can give you the heads up to get here."

--------

9:44am: "The nurse just stopped by and said she had the discharge order from the doctor and should have the paperwork done by the time you get here.

So go ahead and leave [the hotel] now. I'll see you soon!"

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Nov 19th post to OCF forum

"I think it's time for another update... This morning I am typing on my phone from my hospital bed. I really hope I can go home today. I just hate hospitals and miss my doggies and my husband being around all the time. (He's staying at a hotel, because he just can't sleep in the hospital chair.)

Anyway, despite the pain in my jaw getting quite a bit worse, I held off until 11/16 for surgery. There were many delays and I ended up not getting back to surgery until 4-something. Despite what was supposed to be a simple left neck dissection, it ended up being much worse. After removing the lymphnode area, the doctor saw that the cancer had spread into the base of my tongue and my 12th cranial nerve (hence all the pain in my face lately). They had to sacrifice my nerve and they removed some of the BOT. My speech is pretty bad. Supposedly, it's supposed to get better with time, but without that nerve, I know my speech will never be normal.

It looks like radiation treatment will be coming up in about 4-6 weeks. I'll see my surgeon Monday to remove my stitches and give me the final pathology. I also have an appt. with my rad. oncologist on 12/4.

I guess at this point I'm just looking forward to getting out of the hospital and hopefully getting to keep my plane tix to fly to IL to spend Thanksgiving with relatives."

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Nov 18th email to some family and friends

"Well, Dr. Hayden's team stopped by early this morning (and actually woke me up). I'm doing better. My speech is improving, although they are sending in a speach therapist later today for an evaluation. They had to sacrifice my 12th cranial nerve which will permently have an effect on my speech, although hopefully just slight.

I'm disconnected from all machines as of last night. In the last 24 hour I ouput 35 ccs to my drain. I need less than 30 to be released. Signs are looking good that I'll be going home tomorrow.

I asked about Thanksgiving. They said no heavy partying, but I should still be able to go to Illinois. I'll have to have my stitches removed Monday or Tuesday and we'll review my pathology report, but they should still give me the ok to take the flight.

I look forward to getting out of here and to seeing many of you for Thanksgiving."

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Nov 17th pm email to some family and friends

"The doctor finally stopped by. He is in an all day case today, so he just had a chance to step away.

I guess the cancer was much more aggressive than they had thought. They removed the lymphnode and salivary gland and found the cancer had spread into the base of my tongue and my nerves in that area....explaining why I had developed some nerve pain in weeks past.

They went ahead and removed part of my tongue and nerve which is why I've been having difficulty talking. It might take a while for that to come back again.

It seems radiation treatment is pretty much definite at this point but we're still waiting up to 5 days for the pathology report.

It looks like I have another 2-4 days left in the hospital depending on the drain.

I'll get another followup with Dr. Hayden tomorrow morning and I'll let you guys know how that goes."

Nov 17th email to Amy & Gina

"Amy & Gina (or should I say Jina)

I just got your guys' teddy bear & balloon.

I think it's a little small to sit on its lap, but it's nice to look at and made me smile this morning.

Still no visit from the doctor.... But I'll keep you posted."

Nov 17th email to some family and friends

After accidentally hitting send before typing a message the first time...

"Sorry for the double message guys. It's hard to type on my phone with the pulse-ox meter on my finger.

So I just wanted to thank you all for the well-wishes and support. There were quite a few delays yesterday and I ended up not making it into surgery until 4:00ish. Then during surgery they found some slight involvement with the base of my tongue, which made the surgery last even longer. By the time I had a room it was after 11:00pm!

I'm doing ok now. It hurts a bit to swallow or turn my head too much, but other than that I don't seem to be in much pain. I'm having a bit of difficulty talking, which I assume has to do with the base of tongue issue.

Dr. Hayden will be stopping by sometime today and then I'll send out another update.

Thanks again for all of your support."

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Nov 3rd email to mom & Beth

***I had a POME (Pre-Operation medical exam) at the Mayo clinic back on Oct 30th. I told the doctor about the nerve pain in my face and she gave me a prescription for percoset...in case I needed it. I had gotten to the point by Nov 3rd, that even taking extra strength tylenol every 4-5 hours wasn't helping and I was having trouble sleeping. I decided to get the percoset and while I was in a lot of pain (b/c I couldn't take the first dose of percoset until I got home from work/Walgreens) both my mom and sister decided to call me.***

"I just want to thank both of you for putting up with my grumpy phonecalls earlier.

I picked up the drugs, came home to immediately take one and layed down on my heating pad while Jake made dinner (awwwwww.... Of course he offered to make pizza instead of the chicken fried rice which was on the menu for tonight, but the thought was there.) The drugs kicked in quickly and I am now feeling great! I'm a little loopy, almost drunk-like so I don't know how I'm going to make this work with work. Maybe I'll just take tylenol for the morning."