I haven't posted in a while.... no news is good news, right? Well, mostly...
Things continue to improve daily. I'm spitting less and my mouth sores are visibly shrinking. I'm down to two main ones that are under my tongue, one on the tip and one to the left. I try to avoid getting food particles under my tongue when I eat, so most of the time it's not so bad. I haven't needed to use my suction machine in a couple of days. I've even made it a few nights without having to wake up because I'm coughing or gagging from too much saliva or lack thereof. Yes, things are looking up.
That being said...eating sucks! Every night, I decide on something fabulous I've missed eating and want to try. I sit it in front of me and take in the smell. I get so excited, thinking it's going to be so great eating it again after all this time. I take a bite.... and nothing. It's completely flavorless. Then I'm forced to use water to even get it down. It's just a huge letdown. An hour later, when I've had a kid-size portion of food, I give up and refrigerate the rest.
Today at work I was eating mac and cheese. My coworker, who is a 1.5 year survivor of head and neck cancer, saw me and said, "mmmm.... macaroni and cheese. I bet that slides down easy." Yeah, I guess so. He told me there will come a day when just finding food that slides down easy will make me happy. He says when he goes out to eat with his wife he specifically looks for restaurants with cream soups so that he can have something pleasant to eat. I really doubt that will ever make me happy! This whole ordeal with food is just frustrating. I love good food. I want to be able to taste it and appreciate it again. My coworker has just recently regained taste. I don't want to wait 1-2 years to get my taste back! That's so long! :( I guess I just have to keep reminding myself of the alternative.... having taste and not having done the radiation treatments, which would have certainly killed me within the next few years.... and then I wouldn't really be able to appreciate food anyway, now would I? :\
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You're right, things would def be worse had you died. But it's still not fair. You deserve to be able to taste those wonderful smells. So just imagine how amazing it will be when you do regain your taste! Yes, you'll have to wait, but maybe it will be worth it. Maybe they'll come out with something better than Dippin Dots by that time! (I love Dippin Dots).
ReplyDeleteBesides, don't listen to that cranky old guy so much. He's old and therefore cantankerous by definition (jk). Young people heal faster, you're getting better every day, which is so great! Maybe you won't have to wait so long... Here's hoping!
Personally, I like the way things smell more than the way things taste. I'm so glad things are going so well!
ReplyDeleteIt took my husband less than two months to regain his taste, so hang in there -- it will get better!!
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