Saturday, March 6, 2010

I like my new size

Today was a good day.  I got a few chores done this morning and felt productive.  Then this afternoon I went shopping with Jake.  Jake got some shoes.  I got a bunch of new clothes, 2 pairs of dress pants, 2 pairs of jeans, and 5 shirts, actually.  They were all 1 to 2 sizes smaller than my current clothes, so that just made me feel really good.  I think that my new sizes (S or XS shirts and size 4 short pants) are a lot more popular, though, and I had a really hard time finding dress pants in my size.  I'm having to hem one of the pairs I bought, even.  Jake and I went out to eat for dinner, tonight.  I ordered an appetizer as my main course and only ate half of it (and I couldn't really taste it, of course).  It didn't matter, though.  I was just excited to be out at a restaurant again.  I don't think I've been out to eat in a few months.  So yes, it was a very good day.

On the downside, I'm a bit worried that I will soon outgrow my new clothes.  Over the course of treatment I lost 20 pounds.  I think my metabolism is ridiculously low, because near the end I was barely consuming 700 calories a day and puking a lot, yet I managed to not lose all that much weight.  Now I'm eating again, but it takes me so long to eat, my portion sizes are much much smaller.  I am not really consuming that many calories per day.  Even so, this past week I put on 5 lbs!  I'm hoping that my body was just regaining muscle and stabilizing itself or something.  I don't mind the 5 lbs, but I don't really want to put on any more.  I kinda like my new size.  I'm thinking maybe I just need to be more active again.  I used to be good about using the elliptical machine or doing yoga or something about 4 times a week.  I sorta gave that up last October when I was diagnosed with my recurrence.  It would be nice to jut use the elliptical machine every once in a while and keep small portion sizes and be able to stay this size.  If I have to be more drastic than that, I am going to be very very sad.

One more complaint for the day.  Waiters have a tendency to ask you "how's everything tasting?"  That is very annoying when you can't taste things.  I kept just keeping quiet tonight and at one point the guy was like "Is everything ok?"  I don't know... maybe I just should have yelled "I just finished radiation treatments to my head and neck and my tastebuds are fried.  I can't taste anything!".  Eventually I just started lying and saying it was good.  Oh well..... it's interesting what people don't realize sometimes.

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